A Day in the Life of an Aspie


“(There is no) right type of Asperger’s. People with Asperger’s are as varied as Norwegians and trombone players.” ~Mark Haddon, author of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Faceman...I just got hit by the Reality Truck!

 

A lot of my NT (neurotypical, or, if you’d like to use the more common ‘normal’) acquaintances have asked me what it’s like to have Asperger syndrome. To which I usually answer, “Dunno…what’s it like to be ‘normal?”

I thought I’d try an experiment today: trying to encapsulate exactly what goes on in my brain during an average day. Which is difficult because a) sometimes there are no words for exactly the way I feel aside from those ridiculously long German ones, and b) my mind is often like a ruby-throated hummingbird that’s taken a few sips of Red Bull. Which is to say, stream of consciousness gone wild and OH LOOK, ANOTHER SQUIRREL.

You see where I’m going. I hope.

I also struggle with limited working memory. What’s this mean? It means that, on cue, I might be able to recite the names of all of Neptune’s moons or the episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess in chronological reverse alphabetical order, or even all my passwords, but I cannot remember something that was just said to me, or the face of someone I met five minutes ago. Achilles had a weakened heel, B.A. Baracus was afraid to fly…and I have the same problem as Dory from Finding Nemo. Embarrassing, isn’t it?

Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name?

So…on to A Day in the Life. Warning: some slight adult language in this one.

6:15 AM

It’s morning again. It shouldn’t be so dark outside by my God it’s cozy in these flannel sheets. Can I stay another 15 minutes in here canIcanIcanI ’cause it’s cold out and I don’t WANNA drive an hour just to get to work and did I honest to God just have a dream about William Shatner giving a speech at a tent meeting? Oh wait, did I put my drink in the fridge last night, and was that really a mouse I saw or just a trick of the eye? I can’t believe I almost overslept.

7:00 AM

Driving is fun except when other people are involved. Wish I had a race car, or maybe a flying car. I’m going to a new place today and it’s just like always, I don’t know anyone. But at least I have an excuse (Hello, I’m face blind. Lovely to meet you.)

8:15

Holy SHIT, I almost went off the railing because I was so into this audio book. It’s more interesting being in a circus than being in the real world and oh LOOK, there’s the Castle Gwynn, and I need to finish my Stirling book at home before it’s overdue.

8:35

Hello, how are you? I’m fine. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto…goin’ through the motions. I’ll forget you ten minutes later, but it’s OK because I’m not trying to. I’m just trying to absorb everything else first and I just noticed your office sits on a perfect 7 degree slope next to three businesses that start with the letter “D.”

9:37 AM

Oh look, you have a fridge here. Don’t mind if I do, since I forgot that drink after all (I always do that, gotta start eating breakfast in the AM again because I know it’s good for me and HEL-LO, nasty spoiled McMuffin! Ewww!)

10:05 AM

Hi there…good to meet you…wait a sec? I already did? Dammit…

10:17 AM

Successfully memorized all your passwords. World domination is mine! (evil laughter) I really could go for an iced coffee right now or maybe a Murdock fantasy escape. Maybe both.

11:01 AM

I love Paris in the summerrrrrr….oh wait, I’m supposed to be working? Well, I can work and sing in my head at the same time. Don’t let my glossy, faraway expression fool you. I’m here. Really I am.

11:50 AM

Scannin’, scannin’, scannin’, keep them dogies scannin’, RAWHIDE (oh yeah, I do have that one Blues Brothers CD, gotta pull it out sometime…)

12:30 PM

Is it time to go already? Four hours and whammo bammo, I’m gone. No, wait, that’s the incantation for white paper. Gotta run now but I’ll be back (Arnold Schwarzenegger voice)

1:15 PM

What am I gonna do before my appointment? What would an NT do? Shopping, eating, browsing a store, calling a friend, saving the world from maniacal supervillains (wait a sec, where’d that come from? And where is Captain Cab when I need him?) What would an NT do to kill time…wait a sec, just thought of something I needed that I could go grab…

2:10 PM

Why don’t they make the tights I like in anything other than the teeny-tiny sizes and in plain black and grey, because I really like the purple ones and the snakeskin ones and the neon ones and DANGIT I wish I weren’t 6′ for a change with ginormous feet and Oh? Just $8? OK, here you are…now let me get out of this fluorescent hell, I have NO idea how you people do it…

3:45 PM

Wow, my fellow AS”er has some really interesting ideas. I love it when a plan comes together. Now, gotta get back into traffic and WHOa, that crazy lady in the silver minivan almost broadsided me. Will store her license plate number in my memory bank of Bad Drivers.

4:40 PM

May very well get this weekend job. I’ve missed bookselling, it’s like being on withdrawals. Not that I’d have any idea as to what that’s like, but it’s what I’ve read, right? 5 months plus since the floods. Opry Mills may never reopen. Not sure how I really feel about that. It’s an empathy thing…putting myself in someone else’s shoes. I have to look at it from a neutral observer’s POV the way I always do.

5:15 PM

No traffic on I-24, wait, there is…better use Plan B. But there is no Plan B.

6:06 PM

Home, home at last (Murdock imitating R. Burton). And there’s a Netflix movie waiting for me. One with Dwight Schultz. That makes me happy.

6:45 PM

Online. Writing. All is well. Another day, another planet not kablooied. Life is still good.

Time for another crazy day, muchachos!

I’d like to thank all the readers who’ve been faithfully reading my blog. Without you, the readers, this would have very little point, so thanks for that. Also, it would be like me talking to myself, and since I’m autistic rather than schizophrenic, it fits.

Got questions? Comments? Drop me a line at wikusandmurdock@yahoo.com!

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~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on October 6, 2010.

One Response to “A Day in the Life of an Aspie”

  1. Whew woman, that sounds just about right…

    (BTW, I’ve found that tinted prescription glasses help with the fluorescent lighting. I swear, I think Cory Hart must’ve had AS too!)

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