With A Little Help From My (Invisible) Friends


“You know, sometimes I think Murdock’s the one who’s in touch with reality, and the rest of us should just be sprinkled on top of a chocolate sundae.” ~ Templeton (Face) Peck, The A-Team

Ain't no invisible dog...or is there?

Friendship is a loaded word, isn’t it? You have your “best” friend, even if you have more than one, your casual friends, friends with benefits, boyfriends, girlfriends, sort-of friends, Facebook friends, friends in name only…you get it. There are lots of different kinds of friends, just like there’s lots of different kinds of love.

Like every kind of human relationship, friendship is something that often baffles me. I have people whom I call my friends that I haven’t seen since Ronald Reagan was president; some of them I’ve never even met in person. In fact, most of my really good friends these days are the ones I never see, but can call or PM any time I like. To an Aspie, that’s the best kind of friend. Caring, like-minded…and very, very far away.

Up until adulthood, I neither wanted nor needed a lot of friends. The intricate, unspoken code of childhood and teenage friendships was something completely lost on me. Plus, our family moved a great deal. There’s no one from my pre-adulthood stage, aside from a few teachers, whom I still consider my friend.

Now that I am an adult, who are my friends?

Face was amused at Murdock's public avowal of friendship.

 

They come from all walks of life. Many of them live in countries I’ve never visited. Most I’ve met through a common interest (a fandom, or my writing, or through my growing involvement in the AS community.) There are a few I see from time to time, maybe at a meeting or a gathering. But since I am solitary by nature, I don’t need my friends around me constantly to know that they are there, and I can talk to them if I want to. That’s the best kind of friendship there is, when you think about it. No strings attached.

To an NT, I’d liken it to dogs and cats. Dogs smell each other’s rear ends, will run gladly with complete strangers at a dog park, might even share their saliva-coated toys. Cats normally prefer to be alone, but might have one or two cat buddies, and might even enjoy a run through the house with that selected buddy. If a cat befriends you, you can consider yourself lucky. Dogs will be friends with whomever has a Snausage in his or her pocket. Get the picture?

I think of my friends a little like a holiday greeting card list, but *slightly* more intimate. I’ve had long, heart-to-heart chats and phone calls with many of these wonderful folks, and gotten to know some of them almost like family. In fact, if I ever defy the odds and get married, I might even ask some of them to be my attendants.

The most wonderful thing about these types of friends is that, unlike family, you can choose them. Also unlike family, they don’t tend to judge you for things that are beyond your control. My friends are just like angels; I don’t have to see them, or hear from them, to know that they are there.

And that’s not even including the invisible ones (take note that the term “imaginary” is generally frowned upon in the invisible community.)

My many thanks to all the friends whose help and support has helped me this last year. I’m always thinking of you.

He ain't heavy...he's my friend

 

Got comments? I’d love to hear from you…drop me a line at wikusandmurdock@yahoo.com!

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~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on October 26, 2010.

3 Responses to “With A Little Help From My (Invisible) Friends”

  1. Well said, as always.

  2. I think a good friend knows when to leave you alone and when to push you to be more than you think you can be. 🙂

  3. For me, friendship doesn’t baffle me too much. However, when it’s paired with professional leadership element, that baffles me. I say that because it gets blurry for me in terms of when I should speak to these people informally vs. formally. Put it another way, I have a tough time differentiating the differences when I should address these people as friends versus their titles.

    For me, the trouble I am in in these situations is that I speak to these people informally in a formal situation, as the culprit of that is Facebook.

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