Bringin’ Sexy Back: Sweatervests and More Screen Fashions I Love

If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties?  How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?  ~Linda Ellerbee

Wikus knows the power of the sweater vest

I’ll be the first to admit I don’t follow fashion trends. To quote Oscar Wilde, it’s a form of ugliness so intolerable people must alter it every six months. For me, clothes are about durability, washability, non-ironability, and price, not necessarily in that order. If they happen to look good on me, that’s a bonus. I have a sort of “uniform” that I wear, as do many Aspies, and it works for me. I don’t have the kind of slavish devotion to uniformity as some might, ie, wearing a blue oxford shirt and corduroys every single day, but I know what I like and it works for me. I also think it’s fairly silly that fashion designers make thousands of dollars to conceive designs that would look idiotic on the average circus elephant, much less a model.

Since I (obviously) watch a lot of weird TV shows and movies, I thought I’d play fashion designer for just one day and see if I could come up with the ultimate in screen style. (Remember, some of this is purely in jest and some is deadly serious. I leave it up to the readers to determine which is which. I also confess to having sported many of these looks in public. Again, not tellin’ which ones.)

The Fedora/Sunglasses Combo

as seen in The Blues Brothers (1980)

It's light out, and we're wearing sunglasses...

These guys were hipsters before anybody knew what the hell a “hipster” was. It’s the kind of look that says you’re gangsta but not *too* gangsta. The kind of look that a pasty-faced white guy can sport in Chicago or Detroit and not get laughed out of town.

The Black Face Mask

as seen in The Princess Bride (1987)

My first crush

Why? Because as he himself puts it, they’re so comfortable, he imagines everyone will be wearing them soon.

The Bilious Green Sports Bra (BGSB)

as seen in Xena: Warrior Princess (1995 to 1997 only)

Gabrielle as I remember her

Perfect for the junior Amazon in training, this number goes with a skirt, Amazon armor, Roman armor, and as a general period piece. It certainly helps if you have killer abs to pull it off. The BGSB is also great for those long-distance runs or rides on your favorite Palomino.

The Sith Robe

as seen in Star Wars: Episodes I-III (1999-2005)

Because Sith happens

There are a limited number of garments that keep the wearer warm and also proclaim him/her to be a badass member of a galactic secret society. This was the only one I could think of.

The Wide Gypsy-Style Headsash

as seen in The Three Musketeers (1993)

AKA “Young Swords”

Let’s face it…if you’re right in the middle of a swordfight, the last thing you want is hair falling in your face. This little number does the job just fine, and also proclaims your status as a pirate/gypsy/vagabond rather nicely. Like the BGSB, a nice non-specific period piece which can be worn with many sets of garb.

The Customized A-2 Bomber Jacket

as seen in The A-Team (1983-1987)

The Holy Grail of Jackets

Stylish. Elegant. Cool. If you don’t know why I love this jacket, it’s impossible for me to explain it to you. (And if you’re in the market for one of your own, I’ll extend a Shameless Commercial Plug and say that my good pal AJ makes amazing custom replicas of The Jacket. Just tell her I sent you, OK?)

The Black Leather and Silver Armor

as seen in Gladiator (2000)

Are you not entertained? Are you NOT entertained?

Everybody has outfits for work, outfits for nights on the town, outfits for the beach. Personally, I’d like to have at least one outfit for a fight to the death with an undefeated gladiator and a pair of angry tigers. Just in case, you know.

And how could I write a blog post like this without mentioning…

The Sweatervest/’Stache Combo

as seen in District 9 (2009) and Wikus and Charlize (2009)

Wikus + vuvuzela = WIN

Some love for my new favorite bokkie…Wikus van de Merwe, the dorkiest, cutest South African fictional character I know.

Got some favorite fictional fashions? Send ’em my way to!



~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on December 6, 2010.

One Response to “Bringin’ Sexy Back: Sweatervests and More Screen Fashions I Love”

  1. you forgotted to include foot wear…that also makes teh outfit. i like teh roman sandal style,as in gladiator and flash gordon…that voltan sure could rock the sandal,even with them chubby hairy legs..tee hee

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abandonen toda esperanza aquellos que entren aqui


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