I Need Somebody, Not Just Anybody

My favorite Beatles movie

When I was younger, so much younger than today,

I never needed anybody’s help in any way…

~from “Help!”, The Beatles

I’ve always had trouble asking for help. Whether it was when I was younger, and couldn’t quite get the hang of tying my shoes or making a model bridge for physics class, or in my post-school years, I always figured the humiliation of getting potentially maimed for life would be slightly less than that of admitting that I wasn’t capable of figuring out something on my own. Now that I’m older and I’ve (ostensibly) learned something from those trial-and-error days, it’s that one can’t always do things on one’s own. The A-Team, for example, would not work if it were just one guy. Teamwork and synergy can be very powerful things.

At the start of every new year I do some personal reflection. This year, with the real hurdles (job, money enough to survive, family relationships) mostly under control, I turn my attention to the one white elephant still in the room. The D-word (no, not “divorce.”) Unfortunately for me, it’s dating, which I haven’t attempted seriously since the first Bush administration. Now, I’m not one of these women whose biological clock is ticking rapidly and needs to have a child to validate her existence. That’s not me. I’m still young besides. I’m also not looking for a man to take care of me; that part I have down, and I’m quite comfortable providing for myself. So why do I feel the need so strongly all of a sudden?

All women in American culture are conditioned to want a partner. It’s unavoidable. Everywhere we look are perfectly idealized images of princesses who live happily ever after, airbrushed brides, and hot moms who balance work and family life. Nobody glamorizes the life of a single woman who never gets out and whose weekend company is the cowboys and space captains she watches onscreen. Only if said single woman, in the mold of Sex and the City, spends almost all her free time going on safari in the urban jungle looking for mates.

So I really find myself at a unique crossroads. I’m theoretically OK with being single. I’ve lived my entire adult life that way. I have enough companionship to get by and enough of a social life as to not be labled a 21st century version of Emily Dickinson. If something around the house or with the car goes wrong, I can either take care of it myself or hire someone who can. I survive. But it is largely a bread and water existence when there exists the possibility of one day eating steak and drinking fine wine.

I’m pretty much ready to ask for help. Trying to find new friends, much less dates, on one’s own is difficult at best. Since I don’t have many local friends, I don’t go out with them to places I might meet a potential partner. Simple as that. I’ve also heard that mutual friends and introductions by friends are the best possible ways to meet someone new.

I feel like I’ve got a lot to offer a guy. Though I’m not movie-star beautiful and I don’t have perfectly bleached teeth, I have a great sense of humor and I know how to use it. I’m certainly not one of these women who wants diamonds and useless toys. Give me a strong connection based on a shared intellect anyday. As Lauren Bacall once said, looks fade, but humor stays forever.

Of course, there is still the issue of me being taller than even the average American male. It’s not easy for a tall woman out there. But I’ll persist, taking little steps at a time and trying to get over my innate shyness. In the meantime, I am willing to take the help of anyone who wants to give it. Got some tips? I’d like to hear them. Ideas on where to meet new people? Sure. Know someone? If I can get through the initial embarrassment, great. I promise to take everything with an open mind and an open heart.

2011 is going to be about me reaching out for help. Not psychiatric help… just the help of friends. And to again paraphrase The Beatles, how could I get by without a little help from my friends?


The ultimate shy man catch

Be sure to “Like” P&Q on Facebook and drop me a comment anytime! 



~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on January 13, 2011.

5 Responses to “I Need Somebody, Not Just Anybody”

  1. I’m trying to find your page on facebook, but am having trouble locating it. I’m on the A-Team message board with you. Could you post the direct link to your fb fan page?

  2. I recommend trying to meet guys at church. Also, I think guys need to feel needed….so you may try to ask potential mates for help with things (maybe even if you don’t really need their help?). Of course, you can take this piece of advice with a grain of salt since it is coming from a never-married 43-year-old! But maybe part of why I’m not married is because I didn’t ask enough guys for help back in the day!?!

  3. Always here for a shoulder, sadly, I don’t know any single men who are tall (and aren’t gay).

    You’re so very kind, smart as a whip, you know how to treat a friend, (especially understanding a fellow Aspie like me who’s trying hard to invert the introvert and driving herself crazy doing it.)

    To get to the point – anyone would be a fool not to jump at the chance to be your pilot – and I’m dead serious about that. 🙂

  4. Cute blog. Hope someone wonderful drops into your life- short term or long term!

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abandonen toda esperanza aquellos que entren aqui


You - philosophical, thoughtful, witty. Me - still thinks fart jokes are funny. We should DEFINITELY get together!

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