From the Producers Of “Aquamania” and “Closed For Remodeling”

Think how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. ~George Carlin

"H.M.M."...wonder who that is?

When you have a good thing going, it’s wise to keep it going. I was going to write a bit on my visit with my grandmother today, something more Reader’s Digest-y, but instead I’m veering strictly toward MAD magazine territory. We at P&Q are nothing if not open to the puerile and juvenile. Earlier in the week I posted about random and bizarre search engine terms which have brought readers to my blog. Several of my fellow bloggers, notably

EduClaytion (

and Brain Rants (

have gotten in on the act, so I intend to keep the crazy train going with a “Crazy Search Engine Terms” post of my own. These are actual terms on my dashboard I’ve come across. No editing or hyperbole involved. And I have to ask myself who types these into Google or Bing, sometimes on multiple occasions.

Godzilla Versus Michigan




The Big G gets loose in the Motor City after toxins seep into Lake Superior… and proceeds to wreak havoc. Not that there’s that much havoc left to wreak. Have you guys been to Detroit recently? Special showings at the Palace of Auburn Hills.

Snape Will Never Have a Girlfriend

In this teen-angsty spinoff of the Harry Potter franchise, Alan Rickman narrates the teenage years of Severus Snape in flashback. We promise to have plenty of bad poetry, soul-searching, and Harold and Maude-style suicide attempts for all you Goths out there.

Why Girls Explode

Instead of yet another flick about American teenage girls and their petty concerns, we travel back in time to the Soviet Union to meet all the women and girls who worked in that nation’s nuclear program. It’s a fun and peppy Stalinist romp from the end of WWII to the fall of the Berlin Wall. Perky teenage girls of the world, unite!

Squirrel Revenge Nuts

In this Japanese horror import, an ordinary household tries to defend itself against rodent invaders who aren’t just angry…they want revenge! All the special effects a B-list flick can buy. I’m told the title doesn’t translate well from the original Japanese. The biggest Japanese horror movie to hit America since “The Grudge.” Sort of.

Grumpy Anhedonic Manchildren

In this existentialist companion piece to Lars and the Real Girl, several stories overlap of men who live in their mothers’ basements. Is it so bad to have a job? Is there life beyond World of WarCraft? Will I ever have a girlfriend who’s not a sex doll? Sure to impress the arthouse crowd and those who enjoy watching movies where absolutely nothing happens.

Abraham Lincoln Riding A Prawn Through Vietnam

Hard as I tried, I couldn’t come up with an image that was even close (if I had Photoshop expertise, that might be another story.) Let me just say that this one had me so stumped, I was left scratching my head. In the end I envisioned some melange of Apocalypse Now, District 9, and the long-awaited Lincoln biopic. With Liam Neeson playing Lincoln. Who needs a genre-bender like Cowboys and Aliens when you could have this?

Now that I’ve gotten all that weirdness off my chest, I think I need a breather. And maybe a stiff drink. But that’s what P&Q is here for (not the drink part.)

Feel free to contact me, including any movie deal proposals, at! Don’t forget to click “Like” and subscribe to P&Q so you’ll never miss another exciting episode chock-full of pop culture goodness.

~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on October 15, 2011.

4 Responses to “From the Producers Of “Aquamania” and “Closed For Remodeling””

  1. THESE are the films Hollywood should be making now. I would be in the theatre every night if they were. maybe more than once.

  2. This is great. I would love to meet the people that searched these. Michael is right, these are the movies that Hollywood should be making.

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abandonen toda esperanza aquellos que entren aqui


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