And Here’s To You, Mrs. HornyHot26

Bloody Vikings! You can’t have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam. ~Monty Python

I keep promising my readers I’m only going to do one more of these search engine/weird meme posts. And I keep lying. They’re like roaches. For each one you see, there’s a dozen you don’t see. OK, that wasn’t the best comparison. Sooo…they’re like…potato chips? Can’t have just one? We’ll go with that.

Like any blogger, I love getting hits to my blog. On a good day I might get up to 150 or so. Considering I now proudly have over 200 subscribers, that’s great. I’m ecstatic. If it weren’t for my bad knee I’d be jumping for joy. This was always meant just to be a hobby, to get my writing out there and have some fun at the same time.

But blogging is a lot like the Force. There’s a light side and there’s most definitely a dark side. I learned this the hard way when, as a young and inexperienced newbie last year, I inadvertently linked a spam post to P&Q. Let’s just say there were underage Brazilian girls involved and leave it at that. I didn’t make the same mistake twice.

P&Q is a no-porn zone
But fighting off the phishers and the spammers and the purveyors of porn is an ongoing struggle. There’s not a day when I don’t go to my Dashboard and see at least a few spam comments. Thankfully WordPress does a pretty thorough job separating the wheat from the chaff so I don’t have to worry about it. What amuses me is how many of the same spammers keep coming back for more (yes, Mrs. HornyHot26, I’m looking at you.) How much of this is arbitrary I have no idea. Maybe MrsHornyHot26 or her doppelgangers really love P&Q. Perhaps there’s some site for Russian porn with a free P&Q banner ad. How nymphomania and absurdist pop culture are related, I have no idea.
And then there are the email scams. Ever since P&Q was Freshly Pressed for the first time, I’ve gotten my share of them. It’s like these charities that keep sending me guilt-trip packages full of address labels and tote bags and cheap gewgaws made in China, begging me for a few dollars. They just know where to find me. So do Mrs. Blessing Okukwe, who wants to send me a million Euros purely out of the goodness of her heart, and mr. anthony ali [sic] who’ll include me in his Dubai-based firm’s new investments if only, sight unseen, I’ll wire him my life savings and one of my kidneys. Yeeeahhh…I’ll get back to ya, OK?

Land of milk, honey, and email scams

I still might be an amateur when it comes to all things electronic, but I’ve also got enough common sense to know what’s real and what’s not real. There are people who come into my workplace every day whom I’ve seen fall for these e-scams in their many variants. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I just shake my head. Common sense can’t be taught.
In some way I’m flattered that anyone is reading, even if it’s some spammer in Nigeria or Mrs. HornyHot26. Maybe if I were nice I’d arrange for the two of them to meet, fall in love, and produce lots of little spammers. Like those tiny cans of SPAM you always see at the dollar store. If that happens, can I be the maid of honor? I promise to bring a SPAM cake with me.
No, honestly…I do appreciate everyone who reads P&Q who’s not a spambot. You guys are awesome.
Special Note: WTHWHT?!, Round 2 is in the books! I was LOLing at all the many creative captions, but in the end it was Georgefloreswrite’s entry that made me laugh hardest (it was the line about Cmdr. Riker that got me.) GFW, please drop me a line at so you can receive your prize! Everyone else, please click “Like” if you enjoyed this post and don’t forget to subscribe to your home for all things non-SPAM related!

You want to do *what* to spammers, Mr. Barclay?

~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on October 17, 2011.

2 Responses to “And Here’s To You, Mrs. HornyHot26”

  1. This post has me howling, too! With laughter, that is…. 😀

    I just love the spam comments in my WordPress folder; many of them are creatively written and more entertaining to read than actual comments.

    I devour them hungrily every morning, while inhaling my coffee, which usually winds up getting spewed over my keyboard …when I come across a particularly horrible typo or synonym-replacing disaster:
    My all-time favorite is an advertisement for a convention oven that produces “gangly meat” …and somehow involves “occult followers” and a “birthday hallowing hud”.

    I wrote one blog post parody of my spam folder contents:
    …and I’ve contemplated doing a weekly or bi-weekly spam series.

    They are just too good to throw away! Even if crediting them adds to their Google rank, and encourages them to return! 😛

  2. […] Ah, spam. Is there anything you can’t do? It’s the little things, really, like the tickle of amusement when I read that you’d like me to change my text colour, the heapings of praise for my “helpful article” about “the best singer” on my vampire flash fiction, and the thrill to find out someone is interested in helping me improve my SEO. But my new favourite thing about spam? It inspired this entertaining post on Prawn and Quartered: And Here’s To You, Mrs. HornyHot26. […]

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abandonen toda esperanza aquellos que entren aqui


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