Jobu Needs a Refill, and Other Useful One-Liners

Yo, bartender! Jobu needs a refill! ~from “Major League”

Are *you* in good hands, Jobu?

When I’m having a crappy day at work, there are two guaranteed pick-me-ups. The A-Team is out since I’ve done enough posts about Murdock to last me through the winter. So, that leaves me with option B, which is witty non sequiturs from my favorite movies. If anyone gets to know me at a reasonably close level, they’ll hear me spout these bon mots at one point or another. Just to warn anyone who was considering friending me on Facebook.

I borrowed today’s title from Major League. Certainly not one of the greatest m0vies ever made, but it’s one of the most quotable, and it goes along with this week’s World Series (which, as I look at it, is shaping up nicely for my Rangers In Seven prediction.) Some of these flicks may lean toward the obscure. Others are more popular. With me, anything goes as long as there’s a decent script and/or a token cute animal. What you won’t find here are the “Give yourself to the Dark Side”s and “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker”s of the world. Those are a little too obvious. But I’ve used those when I’m not in a subtle mood too. In no particular order:

 “Pardon my French, but you’re an asshole!” (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off)

Not a week goes by where I don’t want to fling this out at some disgruntled customer. Anyone who’s ever worked customer service will tell you exactly the same thing. If they don’t, they’re lying.

“Who died and made you king of the fucking zombies?” (Shaun of the Dead)

Another one that might come in handy if we actually lived in a world when everyone could freely speak their minds. I honestly think that sort of world would be more civil.  

“Good, bad…I’m the guy with the gun.” (Army of Darkness)

I would have gone with either “Hail to the King, baby” here or else “Gimme some sugar, baby,” but this one seems much more badass somehow. It also speaks a certain antihero/ambiguity side which I like.

“I’m sailing! I’M SAILING!” (What About Bob?)

If you really want to have some fun, rent a boat some weekend, preferably with lots of people around, then scream this at the top of your lungs. It’s fun, and it’s cheaper than therapy (at least, Death Therapy.)

Life is pain, Highness. (The Princess Bride)

I use this all this time. It’s from what’s arguaby the most quotable flick of all time, which is also surprisingly dark and cynical. Not that I’m dark and cynical. I’m a realist…which often overlaps, unfortunately, with cynicism.

“Discipline your mind!” (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

If there’s one thing I’ve been trying to do all my life, it’s this. Snape may be a snide, aloof son of a bitch sometimes, but there’s no denying his level of discipline.

“Your focus determines your reality.” (Star Wars: The Phantom Menace”

The Prequel Trilogy is full of a lot of crap, but there are a few sparking gems hidden within. I love this little aphorism because it’s always proved true for me. Whenever I use it, people think I’m quoting from either a Buddhist text or a fortune cookie. I can’t win.

What are your favorite, or most personally meaningful, one-liners from Hollywood? I’m hoping to do another edition, so would love to hear back from readers on this one. As always, don’t forget to click “Like” if you enjoyed this post and subscribe to P&Q so the Force will always be with you.

~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on October 26, 2011.

3 Responses to “Jobu Needs a Refill, and Other Useful One-Liners”

  1. I loved “Major League”! I agree it wasn’t the best move but it was one I could watch over and over! Was super surprised to see you quote from it! I still equate the song “Wild Thing” with that movie to this day 😀

  2. Love this kind of post. I think I did one once but didn’t look it up. Should come up with some more. Inevitably, Fletch makes the top of my list.

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abandonen toda esperanza aquellos que entren aqui


You - philosophical, thoughtful, witty. Me - still thinks fart jokes are funny. We should DEFINITELY get together!

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