My Life as a Honey Badger

This animal is incredible. I just wonder, will bullets kill it? ~Anonymous blogger on Mellivora capensis

He don't care and neither do I

Unless you’ve been living on the far side of Pluto for the past year, you’ve no doubt heard of the Honey Badger. It’s a meme that’s on minute 14 1/2 of its proverbial 15 minutes. If you have been in fact on Pluto, and haven’t seen this particular video, here it is:
Known as the Ratel in its native Africa, this is one brave little bastard. I’ve known Jack Russell terriers and pit bulls and even a German shepherd with nerve to spare. They wouldn’t have lasted long against the Honey Badger. This deceptively cute little mammal is tenacious and fierce and utterly fearless. He looks like the mutant offspring of a menage a trois between a skunk, a baboon, and Hannibal Lecter. He’s not the kind of furry animal I’d like to meet in a dark alley.
So what’s the appeal for me? Why am I attracted to this killer of cobras, this challenger of lions and destroyer of hyenas?

Hmmm...who to disembowel today?

It isn’t the sudden fame or the meme-dom. If I wanted that I’d just buy a Chuck Norris or Angry Birds t-shirt and be different and cool just like the 500 other schlubs who went to Hot Topic that week. Nope, the Honey Badger has a different kind of meaning for me. Since I’ve watched that video I’ve had flashbacks. There was the time I told my tyrant of an algebra teacher, in front of 30 other kids, exactly where she could shove her ruler. The sexist bigoted boss who, I’m sure, had never had a woman stand up to him in his life. A stranger whom I’d never met who picked the wrong time to start beating his girlfriend in front of me. There’s a common denominator here, and it’s fear. Most average Joes and Janes have a healthy dose of it. I do too. The thing is, when it really matters, I am one fearless Viking/Hun/Amazon. I am unstoppable. I am Honey Badger.
But I’m not just a creature looking for a fight. I’m mostly a solitary creature whose main concern is finding food and keeping the lights on. Not foolish like the hyena, vain like the lion, or dastardly as the leopard. When I fight it must mean something. As I look back on these little incidents in my life, they may not mean anything in the long run. Then again they might have. Maybe some kid I never talked to in algebra class had the courage to stand up for herself later on. Perhaps the boss’ long-suffering wife left the bastard for Florida and a tidy alimony settlement. Or the girlfriend of the beater moved on to a guy who knew how to treat her right. I don’t know.
I used to think my totem animal was one of three: the freedom-loving Horse, the shrewdly intelligent Falcon, or maybe the shy and scheming Coyote. For those who believe in such things, the totem(s) can serve as a companion through life, a symbol for one’s personality, a reflective spirit for time of trouble. Now that I know a little bit more about Mellivora capensis, I might just have to include him as one of those totems. He’s one badass 35-pound bundle. If he were a person, he could be Clubber Lang. Maurice Jones-Drew. Hell, Peter Dinklage in the movie Elf.
I hope I can continue to be like the Honey Badger as I get older. Fight the good fights, confront the many snakes, serpents and otherwise, that slither through life. Oh, and not give a shit about what others might say about me.
If you do run into Honey Badger, either in Africa or on Facebook or at your local funny t-shirt shop, tell him I said hello.

Tastes like chicken!

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~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on January 5, 2012.

7 Responses to “My Life as a Honey Badger”

  1. […] My Life as a Honey Badger « Prawn And Quartered […]

  2. I LOVE the Honey Badger

  3. Yeah! Good choice. Hyena destroyer? Oh yeah, that is one good choice for a totem. 🙂 I did the same to my French teacher. I was the only oddball, latin, and Catholic kid in her class and she hated me. You know what I mean…

  4. […] Ever heard of the idea of having a Totem Animal? As Howlin’ Mad Heather explains,  ”for those who believe in such things, the totem(s) can serve as a companion through life, a symbol for one’s personality, a reflective spirit for time of trouble.” If I was going to choose a totem animal for myself, it would possibly be a tiger. Or a raven. Or… actually, that may require some more thought. Nevertheless, Heather has a great post on Prawn and Quartered talking about her totem animals and her Life as a Honey Badger. […]

  5. I’ve been living on Pluto – I’d never heard of the honey badger – till now. Thank you!!

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abandonen toda esperanza aquellos que entren aqui


You - philosophical, thoughtful, witty. Me - still thinks fart jokes are funny. We should DEFINITELY get together!

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