Things That Make You Go “H.M.?”, Vol. 873


Hello, little guy! It’s the Sweetie Man coming! ~from “District 9”

The classic WTF? pose

I find the most random things while shelf-reading at the library. In the course of two years I’ve encountered the mundane (bookmarks, receipts from Hardees), the bizarre (handwritten confessions, pressed vegetative matter) and the X-rated (used rubbers). Occasionally what I find will make me laugh or smile. Today was one such day.

As a writer, I draw inspiration from every possible source. I might have to use my found object today. It was an HR report detailing a last warning against a problem employee. According to the report (and this is verbatim; I rarely can come up with such gems on my own):

Company X expects employees to not display harassment against employees in the workplace. On April 12, 2011, at 3:15pm, you threw a piece of candy, which struck another employee.”

I’d love to have been there for that. Was it a misdemeanor assault with, say, a single Life Saver or gummy bear? Or was it seriously gangsta with a Tootsie Roll pop (those things’ll shoot your eye out, ya know.) I see a short story in my future.

The saddest thing is, I could picture nothing but the infamous “thrown lollipop” scene from my beloved District 9 with Little CJ and Wikus. I have a one-track mind. You don’t have to remind me.

Coming tomorrow: P&Q’s super-duper, no-holds-barred tribute to Valentine’s Day. Or something like that.

As always, if you enjoyed this post, click “Like” and subscribe/add P&Q to your blogroll. It’s the bliksem swietie thing to do!

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~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on February 13, 2012.

12 Responses to “Things That Make You Go “H.M.?”, Vol. 873”

  1. So what Would the charge be if they spit candy at co-workers?

  2. This made me laugh out loud. Thank you. I needed that.

  3. That is EXACTLY the kind of HR reports we see at my job. Except we throw paper clips and spit balls at each other. No one is about to waste good candy. 🙂

  4. I was once involved in a very nasty incident involving a Mars bar and a dwarf. My therapist and I are still working through the trauma.

  5. “Not to display harassment”? That’s some wonky syntax.

    I can only imagine what you find in books. I found a poem once written on the back of a recipe card for stuffed grape leaves, and I discovered a feather in a used devotional I bought.

  6. I wonder if it was just some uptight supervisor who had it in for the employee. Hmmmm……

    If you threw candy at me I would hardly be discouraged.

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