Practicality Be Damned


I’m a simple man with complex tastes. ~Calvin and Hobbes

Tomorrow happens to be my birthday. I used to feel a huge adrenaline rush around my birthday. Would I get a big stash of Nintendo games, or maybe that Super Soaker I coveted? It was a big deal and I planned and schemed and hoped and dreamed every year. Those days are gone. Now, I look in the mirror, see my ever-increasing number of gray hairs, and wonder whether I should ask for a gas card or some new clothes for work. I’ve become practical; the kind of person who doesn’t mind getting underwear as gifts.

I can still dream. Despite my slow journey towards middle age and my nondescript white-collar job, I’m still a wild-eyed kid at heart (or at least the site mascot keeps telling me I am.) Who would want work clothes when you could ask for some of this stuff?

(Partial disclaimer: I have no idea if any of this stuff is actually available for sale. If it is, I hope I win the lottery just so I can enjoy the flippin’ sweetness that is these items.)

Practicality, just for one day, can go piss off.

If I have to tell you why I want this, you’d better stick around and get schooled.

This is like Van Helsing meets Ash Williams. Hail to the King (or Queen), baby.

Horses are so damn expensive…but who cares when you have one that looks like this?

 Who wouldn’t want a private jet? I’d want mine to be stocked with Girl Scout cookies and Red Bull.

If the Zombie Apocalypse is nigh, I want to be not only ready, but stylishly so.

For all the Ren Faires, Game of Thrones re-enactments, and scaring the crap out of random strangers. “Get off my lawn!”

What’s cooler than a helicopter? A gyrocopter, which can also be packed in with one’s unmentionables. It really is portable.

The spectacularly awesome Bacon Sundae, which I shall have to try at least once. Take THAT, Food Police.

For the days when I wanted more speed, or when the van was in the shop.

And since it’s my birthday, and no birthday is complete without one of these:

(Hands up if you thought I was gonna post a pic of the site mascot jumping out of a cake.)

What’s been your most memorable, coolest, or most awful birthday gift of all time? Lemme hear ya!

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~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on June 13, 2012.

16 Responses to “Practicality Be Damned”

  1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Woo hoo! Hey if it makes you feel better, I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay older than you and life just keeps getting better. By this time next year your book will be published! It will rock~! Go for the helicopter….

  2. This makes me want to propose internet, blogger marriage to you yet again.

    This does not figure to come as a shock, but the Bacon Sundae was the clincher!

  3. If you and Dwight Shultz are on twitter, we might be able to get him to tweet Happy Birthday to you.
    But either way, hope it;s a great day and a great year to follow!

  4. Happy Birthday!
    So many gifts (when you get to my age..) but one of the best is a book my sister made out of a bra– it’s loaded with quotes about being sisters, photos, collage items– too hard to describe but it is hilarious to read over and over again.
    Who won the hero contest?

  5. Happy Birthday! =)

  6. Happy Birthday!

  7. Happy Birthday! My best birthday gift was a horse! (for my sixteenth birthday).

  8. Happy Birthday! Hope it’s a great one!

  9. Hello! Because you are one of my favorite bloggers, I’ve tagged you! Too find out what all the hoopla is about, and to keep it going, visit http://melissasuewho.wordpress.com/2012/06/17/you-really-like-me/ for the details. Happy Blogging!! 😀

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