P&Q’s Hunger Games: The Semifinals!


Welcome back to the coverage of the first annual Fictional Character Hunger Games! We’ve had some delays (the political conventions, Hurricane Isaac, the start of the NFL season) and some ups and downs along the way, but the Final Four is finally ready to duke it out. Let’s join our host, H.M. Templesmith, live from the Arena for more:

“Is this thing on? Hello? Testing?”

“And we’re back! The road to the finals, along with eternal glory and the P&Q Prize Package, starts right here. All of our quarterfinals were tight and one actually came down to a random tiebreaker. We have two incredible matchups to determine the final showdown. Who will survive? It’s up to you, the viewers, to figure that out.”

“Voting for this round will last until noon CST on Monday, September 17, in order for everyone to vote. One vote per IP address, and you may campaign for your tribute on social media or your own blog. We also want to remind our viewers that every comment will be given an entry for the Hunger Games Viewers’ Prize, which our sponsors tell me is something really special. Maybe it’s chocolate?”

“May the best tributes win, and may the odds be ever in your favor. Until next week, this is H.M. Templesmith signing off. Go Chargers, beat the Raiders!”

1st Semifinal Matchup

Sherlock Holmes, sponsored by Susie Lindau:

“As you look around his bachelor’s quarters, you know that Sherlock Holmes is a bit twisted, but his intelligence, wit, and powers of deduction can take down any villain.

Sherlock is fit and what he lacks in strength and size, he makes up with dexterity. He anticipates any obstacle and is always three steps ahead of mere mortals. He is arrogant, but passionate, compelling, bold, and extremely persistent. He is poised and ready to duel all the way to the finish line.”

River (Firefly/Serenity), sponsored by Piper Bayard:

“River has everything going for her. Weapons training, for one thing. She can even take out her enemies with one shot while blindfolded.

She has psychic powers of perception, the ability to climb, hide, and kick ass, and the gift of appearing beautiful, helpless, and vulnerable so that her enemies can be lured in if she chooses. More than all of that, she has heart. When her people need her, she steps up to the challenge and kills an entire army of Reavers without so much as ruffling her long, silky locks.

Sure, she’s crazy, but what great person isn’t? That is a gift, too, allowing her to understand her enemies and what it takes to defeat them. She sees through people with a mind that can and does go anywhere.

No power in the Verse can stop her!”

Semifinal Matchup #2

The Doctor (Doctor Who), sponsored by Matthew Hyde:

“Genius level intellect, with a talent for outside the box thinking. He’s a brilliant improviser, and if the rules permitted I’d quote the two page passage from a novel that suggests that he unconsciously bends the rules of probability (the odds are *always* in his favour!). Physically he’s more durable than a human, and if he gets killed he can always regenerate into a new body (although that might be cheating…)

He’s taken lessons in hundreds of fields from some of history’s greatest figures – he even taught some of them. He topples regimes for fun. He hates killing, but he’ll do it if he has to, and he hates anything that threatens children, so if he wins, he might just feel like stopping the Hunger Games himself…The most feared race in the galaxy calls him the oncoming storm and the destroyer of worlds. If the Doctor’s coming after you, start running…”

Severus Snape (Harry Potter), sponsored by Becoming Cliche:

“Hello? Fully qualified wizard here. He could summon whatever he needed to complete the challenges AND turn his opponents into cockroaches. Plus, the books never actually depict him eating anything, so he might not actually get that hungry. He’s got a sense of loyalty, and he’s incredibly hot. I mean, um, courageous. There.”

Thanks for voting and viewing! Until next time…

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~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on September 10, 2012.

12 Responses to “P&Q’s Hunger Games: The Semifinals!”

  1. All I got to say to Sherlock: She can read your mind, dude. Your only advantage is shot.

    Doctor vs Snape: Time travel is so powerful the wizards limit it to special needs only. Looks like the Doctor has the best magic.

  2. Such fun! Thanks Heather! I will have to do some tweeting tomorrow!

  3. I like Firefly better than Sherlock, but as far as S.H. versus River Tam? I have to say Sherlock. Power is meaningless if you don’t have self-control.

  4. Sherlock’s great, but he’s a bored urban dweller with surprising gaps in his knowledge (he didn’t know that the Earth orbited the Sun, for instance). I think River takes this.

    And poor, poor Snape. He’s the best character in the Potterverse by far, but…. Well, in narrative terms, he’s facing someone who combines both Harry *and* Dumbledore. The Doctor takes it.

  5. At least I know who Sherlock Holmes is. The other three? Not so much.

  6. Let’s face it, folks. River would know what Sherlock is thinking before Sherlock knows it himself. Not only that, but she out-maneuver any weapon he can come up with. No power in the Verse can stop her.

    Thanks so much for doing this, Heather!

  7. Heather thank you so much for including me in your blogroll! I am not always very observant, so it may have been up there for a while. You made my week! Thanks again!

  8. Such a tough one. Truthfully, I think the Sherlock/River matchup is too soon! They should be in the finals together! Sherlock would outwit Snape and Dr. Who without breaking a sweat, and River – well, she’s River and that’s all that needs to be said about that.

    Alas, I’m sad to have to pick sides. But in a “Hunger Games” competition, River would unfortunately have the crazy, psycho and downright scary abilities to blend into her environment, kill her enemies without being anywhere near them and outwit even Sherlock Holmes. River, you’re truly scary!

    And as for Dr. Who and Snape – I have to be loyal to my childhood and vote for the evil but redeemed Severus Snape.

  9. […] insane, twisted, and downright nuts…and that's just the site mascot! « P&Q’s Hunger Games: The Semifinals! The Most Interesting Crazy Man in the World…Returns! September 12, […]

  10. […] vote is open in Heather Konik’s Prawn & Quartered Hunger Games! I have nominated River Tam from Firefly/Serenity as the super hero who could kick ass on all the […]

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