Heaven is a Place On (Middle) Earth

They can keep their heaven. When I die, I’d sooner go to Middle Earth. ~George R.R. Martin

I’m not sure why, but I’ve been thinking a good bit recently about the afterlife. This shouldn’t be the case: I am still relatively young, in good health, and don’t make a habit of holding poisonous snakes or racing motorcycles on the weekends. With any luck I’ll live decades more to come. So, the fixation on the hereafter…what’s behind it?

I’ve always been one of “those” kids, forever contemplating the greater mysteries in life. When the other girls were playing house and trading Lisa Frank stickers, I came across as the spiritual child of Lydia from Beetlejuice and Richard Dreyfuss’ son in What About Bob? I knew I was going to die. The only question was, when would it happen? And what exactly would it be like? Since nobody currently exists who can tell me, it was largely speculation on my part.

Like most carbon-based sentient life forms, I do want to believe in an afterlife. Maybe not the conventional idea of Heaven as a place with lots of fluffy clouds and immortal beings carrying around autoharps, but a kind of otherworldly place where there were no bills, no illnesses, and no losing football teams. If Heaven does exist, I would want it to be peaceful, serene, and jaw-droppingly beautiful. Some of these fictional locations might fit the bill just fine:

Asgard (Thor,  2011)

The realm of the mythical Norse deities, full of traveling portals, Ice Giants, flying horses, and what appears to be a Rainbow Road made of glowing Lucite. Awesome, especially if Loki is also there.

Rivendell (The Lord of the Rings trilogy, 2001-2003)

There’s quite a few places in Middle Earth I wouldn’t mind spending eternity. None can surpass the city of the Elves in sheer beauty and gorgeous choral music.

Pandora (Avatar, 2009)

With two qualifications: that no wacked-out humans were present, and that I could spent all eternity running around a rainforest as a nine-foot-tall electric blue cat person.

The Millennium Falcon (Star Wars Trilogy, 1977-1983)

I know it’s not a place, but the idea of a ship (with a properly working hyperdrive) to shoot around the universe randomly in is too tempting, especially if Han Solo is the pilot.

The Beast’s Castle (Beauty and the Beast, 1991)

Heaven is a kind of library, it’s said, and this is hands-down the best library ever depicted on film. The rest of the place is nothing to shake a paw at either.

The Land of Fantasia (The Never-Ending Story, 1984)

Hopefully, you know, before it got all eaten up and spit out by the forces of darkness. I’d also want my very own Luck Dragon for impromptu flights.

The A-Team Van (The A-Team, 1983-1987)

Whoever thinks heaven isn’t riding around vigilante-style with the four coolest guys ever, well, I pity that fool.

If you could spend the afterlife in a fictional place, or even a real one, where would you want it to be?

~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on November 26, 2012.