What I Think About When I Skate

Even now, I can’t describe why I love skating so much. ~Nancy Kerrigan


I love skating. There are few things I love more. There’s just one problem, which is that I have all the grace of a galloping rhinoceros when I get out on a pair of blades.

I’m not even sure who taught me to skate. Maybe that was part of the problem. Like my weird left-handed archery, my questionable horsemanship skills, and my tendency to hunt and peck at 70 WPM on my keyboard, it is an art I taught myself in the most unorthodox way possible. I skated well enough to play a couple years’ worth of hockey and not to make a complete ass out of myself. Also, I have a complete set of teeth, which is more than a lot of ex-hockey players can say.

Skating does something important for me. It clears my mind. When I’m out there on the ice, I can actually think. And think, I do. Usually I imagine the soundtrack from Game of Thrones is playing, or maybe some classic AC/DC if I’m in a certain mood. What, exactly do I think about? That just depends.

I wonder if my birth family are still alive, and if they are, whether they ever think about me.

I think how cool it would be if somehow Bruce Campbell wound up being my seat-mate on a long distance flight somewhere. And if not him, maybe Sharlto Copley or one of the guys from MST3K.

I ask myself, “If you’re so damn smart, why do you have the social acumen of a piranha?”

I wish that I had a brother, and that he were like H.M. Murdock.

I wonder if libraries will still be around in 10 or even 5 years, and if not, what skill(s) I should start learning to help pay for my retirement.

I frown upon all the kids who think the rink is a social gathering spot and curse them for not just strapping on a pair of skates and going to Starbucks instead. (It’s warmer there, guys.)

I ask myself, “If I were dressed in a furry suit right now, would people think I was rehearsing for Barney On Ice or just assume I was a complete weirdo?”

I think about the fact that, if I die 40 years from now, I’ll probably have to leave whatever money I have to an animal shelter or the library, as the prospect of my having any heirs is slim to none at this point.

I question what I would buy first if I somehow won the lottery. Usually “my own A-Team van” comes out at the top of the list.

I wish that Gary Larson and/or Bill Watterson would come out of retirement, and that “writers” like Stephenie Meyer would retire and do the world a huge favor.

I secretly wish I could do something about little kids dying of preventable things like hunger.

I pray for all my friends who, honestly, have much worse problems than I do right now.

I envision a world where women all over the world can walk down a street, any street, without fear of being raped.

I try to think up superhero names and/or costumes for the day I become a masked vigilante fighting crime (so far, “Greysteel” is on top.)

I wonder why really great TV shows like Freaks and Geeks or Alcatraz always get cancelled, while we get season after season of Honey Boo Boo and the Kardashians.

I think what would happen if I went up to some random stranger and told them “I know what you did last summer,” then skated away.

I try to rid myself of all the crappy thoughts I’ve had that day, including the idea to drink Red Bull after having two cups of coffee.


What sport(s) or activities really inspire you? What do you normally think about while engaged in them?

~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on April 3, 2013.

6 Responses to “What I Think About When I Skate”

  1. “We’re putting on the foil coach!”

    I’ve been sick of anything “reality television”. I have mentioned my disdain for these type of shows on my podcast quite a few times.

  2. For me, it’s dancing. There’s a room the local rec center lets me use. I go in there at sunrise and dance in the day. Really starts it off right.

    I loved watching skating on TV, but there weren’t too many ice rinks in NM when I was growing up. When I went to law school, the first thing I did was sign up for skating lessons. Let’s just say I was a “special” student. They had to get me a personal instructor to get me through the lesson. I managed one lap around the rink, holding onto the wall, and then I embraced the fact that I’m not meant to be the next Kristi Yamaguchi and moved on. But I still love to watch it. 🙂

  3. When I’m skating I think what I’m thinking when I am skiing. “Yep, once again I have decided to get up in gravity’s grill. I’m sure it won’t slap me down this time.” 😉

  4. Back when I skated, I used to think “dontfalldontfalldontfalldontfall!!!”

  5. I haven’t skated for a very long time, but as I recall, my ankles seem to be in too much pain to be able to have all these kinds of creative thoughts! And any extra mind power would probably have been used up just trying to keep my balance.

  6. Reblogueó esto en enersaviorsanchezr.

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abandonen toda esperanza aquellos que entren aqui


You - philosophical, thoughtful, witty. Me - still thinks fart jokes are funny. We should DEFINITELY get together!

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