Since It’s My Birthday, And You Asked…

There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know.

~Lewis Carroll

My birthday just snuck up on me out of nowhere this year, like the season finale of Game of Thrones, the 90-degree heat and my incompetent cell phone carrier’s text messages. In any case it’s on top of me. And, since the site mascot asked me to take a few well-needed days off to, you know, actually write, I realized I needed to address the issue beforehand.

I’m at that age when birthdays are less of a celebration and more of an excuse to shamelessly hit up family members for practicalities I otherwise couldn’t afford. I’m asking for gas cards and teeth whitening kits. Sheesh. Before long it’ll be discounts to 5:00 buffets at Golden Corral and those little walkers with tennis balls on them. I’m getting older, but I’m not a geezer. Not yet, anyway.

When I was a kid, birthdays, along with Christmases, were an excuse to cook up wild fantasies. Remember the endless Calvin and Hobbes strips where the little guy asked for a thermo-nuclear missile launcher and a private continent? That was me, though my wanton desires were a little less militaristic. I wanted a horse, a trip to Thailand to ride elephants, ninjitsu lessons. I never got any of it.

But, now that I’m older, I don’t stop thinking about how much cooler I would be if I were an elephant-riding ninja with her own horse. Let me set aside my practical side for a day, and ask purely hypothetically for these few little trifles. I will have a fund set up on Kickstarter soon should anyone wish to contribute (that’s a joke, I promise.)

And, of course, no birthday would be complete without:

So, Prost and I’ll drink to another year of good health and (hopefully) some teeth whitening strips.

What were some of the outlandish or weird things you asked for at your birthday or Christmas? Did you ever get any of the items?

~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on June 11, 2013.