Shy Girl Seeks Shy Guy

“I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.” ~Wendy Liebman

Making eye contact is SCARY!

Now that I’ve read just about every book there is to read about shyness, I’m convinced it may only be charming in 18th-century novels about English country girls going to parties. In the 21st century, it’s a hindrance at best and an outright nuisance at worst. It becomes doubly so when you’re trying your best to find, and keep, a date.

Help! I'm being oppressed!

Personally I’ve always had a very hard time in this in-your-face extrovert culture I live in. Part of it is the fact that I’m an Aspie and I get easily overwhelmed, but I’m also naturally shy. When a stranger such as the person behind me in line or a sales clerk strikes up a conversation, it’s as if my throat is being squeezed by a ball python. Thank goodness I don’t blush, or it would be so humiliating I’d have to go into hiding for a week afterwards. I do get the sweaty palms and trembling palms typical of many shy people, and eye contact is very difficult for me. Most of us learn these skills in due course. For many Aspies, it may be something they never learn to master.

It’s understandable that dating has been a challenge. The internet, every introvert/shy person/Aspie’s best friend, makes things a little easier for us to pre-screen future dates. But there’s still the matter of small talk, making that first awkward meeting, and everything that goes beyond. It’s scary. Nobody really likes it, but it’s necessary.

Linus in love

So…since I haven’t actually dated in close to six years, I’m hoping to try it again. I’ll admit I’d rather jump out of an airplane at this point, but since I can’t afford to do that, dating it is.

There’s the obvious choices such as eHarmony,, and even Geek2Geek Dating (you know the Information Age is in full swing when there’s a dating site just for geeks.) Those entail posting a lot of information about myself. I never was good at that. Whatever do I say? That I like long walks at the park and a good bottle of mineral water, but never wine? Perhaps my fixations on obscure movies and TV shows? A liking of classical music?

I do know I want to come across as interesting, witty, intelligent, and educated. Because I’m not beautiful in the classical sense, I have to make use of my other assets. (The fixation on physical beauty is incomprehensible to us Aspies, who are more inclined to judge based on intelligence level.) I will say I don’t smoke and never had a taste for alcohol, find tattoos mildly repulsive, and dress in a bohemian-yet-accessible manner.

I need one of these written for women

Things are at least a little easier for me because it’s still the cultural standard for men to make the first move. Maybe there’s still some genetic memory of women who are sweet, demure, and don’t say much. I still have to make the first move by letting them know I’m available.

I’ve come to the conclusion that online dating is my chance. I would rather bathe in sulphuric acid than attend parties, nightclubs or bars on a regular basis. Too much stimulation, and not the types I’m looking for anyway.

So what am I really looking for?

Unlike many women my age, I don’t hear a biological clock ticking. I’m not wanting to get married for the sake of matrimony, or wanting to have children as some sort of yuppie accessory. I’ve only come to the conclusions that a) six years is long enough to get over heartbreak, and b) cheesy movies and take-out Chinese food are much more enjoyable in the company of someone else.

I’m not obsessed with physical beauty either (those guys who are all out of my league anyway? They’re way too self-absorbed.) The way I see it, any great relationship begins with friendship, and an intellectual connection. Most of the other stuff comes afterward: body type, political beliefs, hobbies and all that other “filler” you see at dating sites. If I can’t intelligently talk to a guy, nothing else really matters. On the flip side, if I can talk intelligently to a guy, things like a beer gut, receding hairline, or crooked teeth fade into the background.

So, I continue my quest. (And if you happen to know anybody, why not send him my way?)

Tall, dark and handsome seeks pretty brown-eyed girl

Got comments? I’d love to hear back from you, especially on this post. Drop me a line at!

~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on November 20, 2010.

One Response to “Shy Girl Seeks Shy Guy”

  1. I have similar views… the only exception is that I am not afraid that I look awkward sometimes in parties. My philosophy is that if I continue to be sweet and personable to girls, one day my girl will come. At the meantime, I don’t mind having a collection of good-looking girls as friends, either.

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abandonen toda esperanza aquellos que entren aqui


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