Another Happy Day in Aspie Land

Look, I don’t want to get into a semantic argument, I just want the protein.

~Martin Blank, to waitress, “Grosse Pointe Blank”

Hey, I like “Discover” magazine too

A couple of important disclaimers to begin today’s post: 1) I do have mild AS and occasionally it wants to screw over my consciousness, b) this post is pretty wry and sarcastic, but then, most of them are, and c) no matter how pissed off I ever got with anyone, I’d never consider using random violence to solve my problems. Got it? Good. On with the show.

 

There are days when I have Aspie meltdowns. Not many, but they happen. For anyone unfamiliar with AS, think of a volcano. It can be a huge, blow-everything-to-hell Krakatoa or a tiny trickle of lava down a gentle slope. And everything in between. Yesterday’s was less of the former and more of the ladder. Maybe a 2 or 3 on a scale of 10. That doesn’t mean I still didn’t feel it.

 

And meltdowns are tricky. Anything and everything can trigger them (I always tell my NT friends they’re a bit like allergies that way.) I’ve had days when I’ve had metaphoric shit thrown at me all day and not so much as blinked. Then there are days, like yesterday, when I just feel like crying and howling and curling into a ball for a solid four hours. For no good reason at all. AS is quirky and random that way. I sort of know what caused yesterday’s sudden rush of emotion but, for personal reasons, I can’t disclose them here. Let’s just say it was a combination of circumstances of work and family life. And I’d had enough.

 

My typical meltdown

 Unlike some of my fellow Aspies, I like to think my emotions are kept mostly under control. I meditate and work out and go for long walks to keep it that way. I don’t want everyone thinking I’m either an emotionless half-Vulcan or a wet blanket. There has to be a middle ground. And usually there is. I can go to work, do my job well, engage in pastimes I enjoy, do chores, keep the financial wolves at bay. Just like “normal” people.

And that’s just it. I do want to be considered “normal,” whatever the hell that means. If it means holding a steady job, driving a car, speaking standard English, and enjoying baseball games, yeah, I’m pretty damn normal. The esoteric stuff I enjoy (speculative astronomy, medieval history, all things South African) is mostly enjoyed in private. It’s like the moon: I have a side I show to everyone and a side almost no one ever sees. That’s most people…Aspie or otherwise.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I’m only human. I’m not a half-Vulcan or a Numenorean or an android, much as I might want to be one. I’ve got emotions and sometimes they’re going to come out whether I want them to or not. The volcano will explode if I don’t let the little trickles of lava come out when they need to. I didn’t need a shrink to tell me that much. Maybe I just hadn’t expected yesterday’s meltdown to overcome me as quickly as it did. The good thing is that it’s gone. For now.

It’ll be back. It’s like Godzilla or Jaws or Freddy Krueger. I can’t kill it but I can learn how to control it. And writing P&Q helps me to do just that.

Special note to my readers: I was laughing my tail off at everyone’s responses to “What The Hell Was He Thinking?!, Round I.” PCGuy’s response made me laugh the hardest…PM me at wikusandmurdock@yahoo.com so you can receive your prize. Thanks to all; I plan on making WTHWHT a regular feature. Thanks to all my regulars.

Mister Jinks is not amused

Got comments? Questions? Recipes for lentils? Email the author at wikusandmurdock@yahoo.com and don’t forget to like/subscribe to P&Q so you’ll never miss another episode, prequel or otherwise.

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~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on October 12, 2011.