Christmas in Single Land


Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need.

~from “Fight Club”

Ho Ho NOOOOO!!!

The holiday season brings out such extremes in me. Sure, I’ll be moved to acts of Capraesque altruism, dropping silver bullion into Salvation Army kettles or taking perfectly nice warm coats to a church drive. Then there’s the darker side. The side of me that wants to send hate mail to Kay Jewellers for all those schmaltzy “Every Kiss Begins with Kay” ads and sucker-punch Saint Nick in his, um, chestnuts. The holidays are underway and it’s a bad time to be a thirty-something single.
 
Single people are a lot like socks when it comes to Christmas. We’re the gift nobody seems to want, but everybody gets anyway. Ad campaigns and mall displays and employee bonus packages just aren’t designed for us. There’s programs for single mothers and families and older folks and, of course, “the kids,” but very little for singles. I’m not sure how accurate those stats are about suicide rates being higher in December, but I’d put some money on it. Because Christmas, as it turns out, is the worst time of the year to be single.
 

They belong to Bad Santa

I know I shouldn’t be bitter about things I can’t change. I’ve been single for nearly seven years now and have settled into a comfortable, albeit sometimes lonely, groove. I’m not going to be a Scrooge and ruin the whole season for everyone just because I’m in pain myself. No, despite all the stupid cars-with-bows TV commercials and kissing couples on TV, I still think there’s a magical aura around Christmas. Sure, it would be nice to have someone to share it with, but there’s always the family gatherings and the Christmas parties at others’ homes. I’m single…not an axe-wielding recluse.
 
At the same time, we all surely know a single or two. Instead of appeasing us with ugly sweaters and perfume sets, why not get us something we really want? (I’ll give you a hint: any household service like cleaning or veterinary care is awesome, and we’ll never say no to gas cards.) Time is precious to any single person. Even better, offer to come out and share some coffee with us while we fix up the house or apartment together. We’ll appreciate the company and be grateful to have someone help us share the load for a change. We’re not used to asking for help. Sometimes, help is welcome anyway.
 
The same goes for those of you who have single, divorced, or widowed relatives. Give them a call, for crying out loud. Chances are they’ll be glad to hear from someone who isn’t a bill collector or telemarketer. It costs little to nothing, and you’ll be making a huge difference. (If you have a rich bachelor aunt or uncle, or grandparent, maybe they’ll remember you in their will, too. Just kidding, all right?)
 
After these many years of being single and getting stiffed each and every Christmas by corporate America, I’ve decided to look within for my true souce of holiday bliss. Advertisers only want us to think that happiness comes in the form of a diamond ring or a Mercedes with a big red bow on it. Personally I’d much rather get a phone call or letter from an old friend. Maybe an hour or two spent with my dad fixing up the gutters and catching up on old family stories. Even that ugly old cookie jar that belonged to my late grandfather. None of these items have a price tag on them…and they never could.
 
Christmas doesn’t have to be a bad time to be single. I’m only as alone as I let myself be. This year, despite the lingering aftertaste of bitterness, I’m determined to make it a happy season indeed.
 
No Grinches or Scrooges allowed…and I’ll let my own heart grow a size or two.
 

I'm sure he'll remember the single Whos

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~ by Howlin' Mad Heather on December 8, 2011.

3 Responses to “Christmas in Single Land”

  1. “Then there’s the darker side. The side of me that wants to send hate mail to Kay Jewellers for all those schmaltzy ‘Every Kiss Begins with Kay’ ads” ~ I can’t stand those ads either! Stupid advertisers… 😉

    Fantastic post!

  2. I love how each of your posts is common sense mixed with humor. The result is always an eye-opening, honest post that is fresh and direct. You’re right about giving thoughtful gifts and how some of the best ones have nothing to do with dollars and cents. This was a great post, and you’re totally on the right track in your thoughts on the matter as far as I’m concerned.

  3. Is there a “really like” button? Cause this is awesomesauce.

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